Better Living Through Psychology

Sometimes when I ask clients, “What do you want to do with your life?”, they reply “I don’t know… I’m not sure I’ve ever really known.”

At this point, I find myself wondering, “Is it that she doesn’t know how to know what she wants? Or is it that she knows, but when she looks in that direction, the first thing she sees is an obstacle like lack of money, time, education or self-belief?”

To flush out these obstacles, I’ll often ask a question like, “Suppose you had all the time in the world available to you. And suppose that all jobs and careers had equal status. And suppose that you were already rich so you weren’t doing this for the money. Then what would you do?”

Of course, that last assumption – extreme wealth – sometimes prompts comments like, “Well, I’d retire obviously. I wouldn’t have to work, so why would I?”

Answering that question can be the topic of another post, but last Friday I came across a story of a guy who already has plenty of money and decided that there wasn’t much worth having that it could buy him. Here’s the story: http://www.theage.com.au/executive-style/luxury/tycoon-trades-high-life-for-bedsit-20100209-npsx.html.

This story beautifully illustrates the challenges and joys of living in pursuit of your values. Notice that he says for many years there was a conflict between holding on to the ‘good things’ and pursuing his truth – that he was trapped by what common sense and convention told him should have made him happy. The price was that he wasn’t living his ‘real life’.

Mr Rabeder was clearly trapped by an old rule – work more to achieve more material things – that may have served his family well in the past, but was no longer suitable to his circumstances or his nature. Getting to the point where you can choose the direction of your life, rather than living out someone else’s dream for you, is what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and the ACT Of Living program, are about.

One last thing. I really admire him for adding that last humble claim: ”I do not have the right to give any other person advice. I was just listening to the voice of my heart and soul.”